An well worn sergeant informed his squad one morning that they were going to spend the day practicing camouflage and observation."Private Smith," he said, "you will be a tree. You will wear this oak tree suit and stand perfectly still and note everything that happens in this field. You will make a report this evening."
In the middle of the afternoon Private Smith and his bedraggled tree suit slouched into the camp. "And just what do you think you are doing back here?" bellowed the sergeant. "Well sarg.I could cope with the dogs piddling up my boots and I could just about stand the lovers carving their initials in hearts on my chest, but I lost it when that bloody squirrel ran up my leg, grabbed my testicles shoved them up my arse and said 'That's two more for the winter'"
